It’s been widely speculated, and presented on more than one action, but it’s finally time to admit that Louis Van Gaal is the embodiment of your creepy uncle.
Not only is he perpetually abrasive with the media and even his own players, everything seems to take on a sexual tone. This isn’t a new thing either. While coaching Bayern Munich poacher Luca Toni admits that Van Gaal wasn’t afraid to display his dominance.
And we do mean display:
“The coach wanted to make clear to us that he can drop any player, it was all the same to him because, as he said, he had the balls,”
“He demonstrated this literally (by dropping his trousers). I have never experienced anything like it, it was totally crazy. Luckily I didn’t see a lot, because I wasn’t in the front row.”
But we forgave him for that, mainly because LVG went on to win major hardware with Bayern. But his results with Manchester United aren’t as bulletproof, and he’s using the same discomforting approach.
On the mindset he wants Manchester United to have as they hang twelve points behind the league leaders,
“Desire – it is a great word. I often use the word ‘hungry’ and ‘horny’ with my players,” he told the media.
“You hope that it is like that, and they showed it against Shrewsbury Town also. Players and managers want to fight for the victory, but players are human beings. You also are not always in the same shape or form.”
And that pretty much settles it. Van Gaal will show you his balls and encourage you to play at your absolute horniest. We can’t make this stuff up, and we almost wish we were.