Juventus made a friendly visit to West Ham’s new Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park stadium in London this Saturday. Juve’s famous ‘Argentinian Arrow’ Gonzalo Higuain came onto the pitch looking much more like an Argentinian anvil.
Fans were quick to point out the star’s new found prosperity, which Juventus paid nearly 75 million pounds (pounds, he-he) for:
But what these internet pundits fail to see is that Higuain hasn’t become portly simply to make themselves feel better about the fleshy sack they rest their elbows on while click-clacking the keyboard.
No, Gonzalo has a master plan; one that he revealed in 2011 for those of us clever enough to be watching.
During an interview while Higuain was still playing for Real Madrid, an interviewer asked an easy, innocuous question:
Int: What is a normal day in the life of Gonzalo Higuaín like?
GH: A normal day? I get up in the morning, I go to train, I have lunch in Valdebebas or at home because my mother loves to cook for me, and she feels that she needs to cook for me. I love my mother’s cooking. But sometimes, you just get lazy and you don’t want to go all the way home just to eat…
A normal day for Gonzalo almost five years ago mostly revolved around eating, and the hassle it can be to expend the energy to have to go eat. Even amidst training and rehabilitation Gonazlo’s focus is on what meal his mother is preparing for lunch, and whether he’ll be squeeze an hour or two of siesta in.
But the interviewer, not knowing the huge breakthrough story he was stumbling upon kept going:
Int: What is your favorite food?
GH: My favorite food? My mother’s homemade pizzas. They’re spectacular, I could eat a ton of them. But a normal day is that, eating in Valdebebas, and sometimes I try to have a siesta, depending on the day, and I’m at home a lot.
This, this is what Gonzalo has been training for. The Argentinian has had his fun in soccer, made his money, it appears that his sights are now set on the budding MLE (Major League Eating, we’re not kidding) division. His goal to eat one ton of pizza far surpasses anything yet done in the sport.
Current record holder Joey Chestnut consumed 40 1/2 slices in ten minutes to claim the title in 2010. Gonzalo’s training and physique at this point means that he’ll be ready to make fifty slices look like child’s play in 2017.
We support Gonzalo in his efforts to break into the competitive eating competition and have started a petition for Juventus to start producing XXL kits. We will update you on his training as he conquers pizzerias throughout Italy to prove himself worthy of the big leagues.