It’s official the Red Devils have signed away 27 year old Morgan Schneiderlin. A combination of Manchester United’s over-packed midfield and Jose Mourinho’s special brand of favoritism led the French midfielder to sign on with Everton.
That’s no misprint, Manchester United did really deal a world-class talent to the team that currently sits right behind them on the league table. Not only that, it’s the same manager (Ronald Koeman) that Schneiderlin had at Southhampton, so it should take no time at all for him to find his form and start producing for his new squad.
Cue the collective explosion of nearly every sane Manchester United fan’s head in three. two. one–
But it gets worse! As if poor trading insight from what is meant to be a top-tier club wasn’t frustrating enough, you know who there is still plenty of space for in the midfield?
That’s right, everybody’s favorite locker room mop, Marouane Fellaini. Jose Mourinho has a special love for the big oaf, and has helped to have his contract extension enacted, despite the fact that Maro’s only goal so far has come against Hull City, the worst team in the league.
This means United fans can look forward to Fellaini generally clogging up play in the middle of the pitch and hands-down being one of the slowest professional athletes out there until at least the Summer of 2018.
When asked if he would at least consider cutting his god-awful hair to make his lackluster play less noticeable, Fellaini responded as such: